It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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