Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
