so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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