Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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