His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
