Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
