pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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