Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
