My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
