So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
