dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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