Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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