shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
