she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
