What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
