i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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