He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The feeling are messing with the penis
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
