Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize