So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
