I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
