I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
