I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
