Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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