Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
