His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
