I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
