k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
