Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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