well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
