I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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