Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
