can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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