3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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