walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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