i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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