I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
