i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
