i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
