What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you win again, gameday.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
