i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
