this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize