i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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