Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
