If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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