I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
