hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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