Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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