All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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