thus making me awesome and them whores
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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