If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
