??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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