Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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