Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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