She said her name was "party"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need to sanitize my soul.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
