You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my phone needs a breathalizer
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
