I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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