Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
