Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
