Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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