Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
