chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
