THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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