there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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