My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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