I think i peed on brittanys purse
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
