4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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