Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
