Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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