I heard we made out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i out mim tonsoeep
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