Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
