the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
