can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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