I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize